Twisted Perception
by Little Soldier Mine
Summary: Donnie hides behind serene smiles and wide, innocent eyes. But what really goes on in his genius mind? What is he hiding behind thoughtful glances and absent smiles? Not everything is what it seems, and neither is Donnie. Rating may go up in the future, we shall see...
1. The First Time

Disclaimer:...Seriously?...Obviously i do not own, sadly Nickelodeon owns them now. I'm not doing this for any kind of monetary gain, i'm just a poor, bored student who need to write shit down...

Little Soldier Mine-Hey people who clicked on my story. This is something that has been rolling around in my head like a tumbleweed, gaining mass and momentum. So, i have an idea and somewhat of a direction that i want this story to go, nothing solid yet since i'm more of a make-up-as-i-go person. This is AU (people, really soak in the ALTERNATE UNIVERSE vibe, please) so things will most definitely not follow a canon storyline. I will take certain events and occurrences from canon story, but it will most likely be the 2003 universe seeing as i haven't made myself watch the new Nick version.

If (keyword being if) i continue this, i feel like the rating will go up, not because of sexual matters but more because of, well, darker themes. There will be no romance that i can foresee, definitely no Donnie/April because i ship Casey/April so hard it's awkwardtowalkwiththisboner.

I'm still kinda iffy about where to go from here and i don't even know if i want to continue. I guess that's where you all come in. If the feedback is positive and there is enough, i'll continue, if not, this gets taken out back and shot in the face. :)

Enough blabber...enjoy?

-Twisted Perception-

The first time it happened, it was an accident.

Splinter had given them two hours free time where they could go out and play in the connecting sewers if they promised not to go more than a five minute walk from the lair. Donnie had taken the chance to break away from his brothers, who had started a game of follow the leader, to explore a nearby tunnel when he found the small rat.

He had been carefully holding the small rat in his hands, trying to learn how it's limbs moved in tangent to the rest to the rest of it's body. He had been gently moving it's limbs this way and that, stretching them and flexing them, pulling the flexible tail taut, and gently moving the small furry head from side to side.

When he accidentally snapped the rat's neck.

The rat had given one last panicked squeal before before becoming silent and hanging limp in Donnie's small green hand.

Donnie had looked down, face pale and eyes wide, before tears started streaming down his round cheeks. He had quickly set the rat down in a small crevice where no one would find it, kneeled down and cried, before slowly getting up and drying the tears on his face and heading home.

Now that he's older and he looks back on that day he realizes that he cried, not because he had killed something, but because he wasn't quite done with his examination of the rat. He'd hidden it's small, broken body because he hadn't wanted anybody to find it.

A week after he had killed the small rat he had come back to see if it was still there and found a half devoured decaying corpse full of maggots. Instead of feeling fear and revulsion, Donnie had felt a sharp thrill of excitement and had proceeded to take the corpse apart and exam everything; the organs, the skeleton, the fur.

Donnie realized from a very early age that he was different from his brothers and father. Leo, Raph, Mikey, and he might be similar in appearance, but that's as far as the similarities went.

He remembers being small and watching his brothers roll around, wrestling and laughing. Always laughing. He'd watch them fall and cry. That seemed to be all his brothers did; laugh, cry, scream.

He always found it odd. He never felt compelled to join them when they played. He hated rough housing and wrestling, and he'd get annoyed if his brothers touched him when he hadn't seen them coming. When he fell or hurt himself he would just pick himself up, no tears, no fuss.

But he did laugh and cry and scream. He laughed, however infrequent, when he found something funny, Mikey was usually the cause. He cried when he got frustrated or something didn't go the way he wanted. He screamed when he got angry, when his thoughts seemed to crowd his mind and he couldn't get the relief he so craved.

As he grew, he noticed his fathers gaze, always watching. He knew he was different and Splinter knew it, too.

So he learned to lie, to deceive, to play the part of happy, normal turtle.

But that was all it was, an act.

A/N:Well? Leave a comment with your humble opinion, your thoughts, your whatevers. Continue or kill?


	2. The Beginning

Disclaimer:...Yeah...

Little Soldier Mine-Hello people! I was actually quite surprised by the feedback...i wasn't expecting much, to tell the truth. But since you very lovely people voted that this little brain baby be kept alive, i wrote some more! This is very AU, so there most definitely be things that just came out of my twisted little mind palace and i hope they don't scare you away. ^_^

On that note, last chapter thingie was more of an introduction type thing, kinda to get the flow of the story going. In the chapter the turtles are about four years old, just so you know. Okay? Kay.

-The Beginning-

Splinter had learned early on that having four small, energetic boys to watch could be quite a stressful job. There was always someone running to him with teary eyes and a new bruise or scratch that needed a kiss to make it better, always a small scuffle that needed to be broken up before it escalated, a hungry belly to feed, hungry bellies to feed, endless questions that need answers, or a guilty look that told him something had been broken. Splinter would deal with everything that came with a small, tired sigh but a genuine smile full of affection and love towards his small charges.

But as the toddlers grew, he started noticing the changes.

The boys had started developing strong personalities and identities early on, learning how to speak and move around, giving Splinter a small glimpse of the people they would grow up to be.

Leonardo, his oldest, had always been a fairly easy child to deal with. He was mild mannered and tried his best to please Splinter, listening and working hard at what he taught them and trying his best to get his brothers to follow his example. Not that he couldn't be a hellion when he wanted, whenever he and Raphael would get together, the two of them could make Splinter feel tired and old beyond his age; the two either got along beautifully or were trying to make the other cry.

Raphael, his second oldest, was a handful. He was the biggest of the four and was not afraid of using his bulk to bully his brothers around, though he'd never intentionally hurt them. He had a temper that would flare and his tantrums often had Splinter having to sit the boy down and spend hours trying to cool him down. He was a mopey child, needing rid himself of excess energy by rough housing or extra tumbling exercises.

Michelangelo, his youngest, was a whirlwind of energy. He had seemingly endless reserve to run around their small sewer lair, hollering at the top of his lungs, laughing and singing. Everything Michelangelo did was done passionately; he played and sang and cried the loudest. He bounced back amazingly fast, crying one moment and back to his sunny personality the next, never lasting long being sad or angry. He seemed to strive to try and make his brothers and Splinter smile or laugh, making small jokes to get a reaction.

But Donatello.

Donatello was different. When the boys were still small Splinter had worried because while the other boys had started speaking and learning to walk, Donatello had remained silent, never uttering more than the rare whimper or grunt, and refused to learn to stand. He would sit and silently watch the world with wide, blank grey eyes. Splinter had worried that maybe Donatello hadn't been as lucky as them and he had somehow not been affected by the ooze the same as them. The possibility was probable, what were the chances of all of them having mutated perfectly fine?

Splinter had been saddened but he made sure to care for Donatello, loving him as much as his other sons.

But a little after the day that Splinter had chosen to be Donatello's third birthday, he found the smallest turtle curled up in a corner, a worn book Splinter had found and had been using to teach himself to read with clutched in his small green hands.

Sensing him coming, Donatello had looked up at him with his unnervingly empty eyes and smiled one of his rare smiles.

"Iss about fwogs and bugses." Donatello's soft, quiet voice had shocked Splinter and he had stood staring down at his son until the boy tilted his head and stared back.

"Yes, my son, it is." Splinter quickly overcame his shock and knelt down next to his son, gently asking him questions and realizing that the small turtle could not only talk but also had somehow taught himself to read.

After that Donatello's personality blossomed, much to Splinters relief and joy. He was glad to have another active boy to chase around the lair.

He was quiet, even more so than Leonardo. A gentle soul with what seemed to be a rather pacifist view on things. He would rather sit and quietly play with the few toys Splinter could salvage than play with his brothers, spending hours taking apart old, broken appliances Splinter brought back for him. But when angered, it was best to take him aside and let him cool down. He didn't cry when he fell or when playing with his brother got too rough, only when he got so frustrated the only outlet he could find was angry tears and gasping sobs that nothing but time could stop. He was the hardest to teach ninjitsu seeing as the most basic of tumbling exercises had him losing interest and focus, he seemed to lack the drive his brothers had for physical activity.

Splinter took in each of his sons quirks and unique personalities, just happy to have four healthy, happy boys. If Donatello inched away from physical contact or threw tantrums when he or his brothers snuck up on him, he never thought anything of it.

-TMNT-

Splinter couldn't help but smile as he watched his young charges rolling around, tumbling exercises all but forgotten to the joy of play-wrestling. A small frown pulled his brows together as he spotted his smallest son, all but cringing away from his siblings, a barely visible look of disgust shadowing his grey eyes.

"Donnie! Ow, Raphie, quit it! Donnie, lookie what I can do!" Mikey, his youngest son said as he wrapped small arms around Donnie's middle and with a small grunt lifted his brother off his feet.

Donnie got a panicked look in his eyes and started swinging his short limbs around.

"Put me down, Mikey!" Donnie squeaked.

Raph and Leo shared a mischievous look before jumping up and tackling the two youngest boys down in a tangle of green limbs.

A soft chuckle escaped Splinters lips as his sons high pitched voices argued and laughed. He watched as Donnie crawled out from under Leo and made his way towards him, soft features pulled into a displeased pout.

"I don' wanna to play anymore." Donnie said as he climbed into Splinters lap, looking up at him with wide grey eyes, Splinters hand unconsciously going up to gently rub his sons brow.

"Ah, you're no fun, Donnie, ya always go ta Splinter, ya baby." Raph said as he stepped on Mikey's shell before jumping on a laughing Leo's back.

Splinter looked down when he felt small fingers digging into his fur, a blank empty look on his sons face.

"Do you not wish to join your brothers, my son." Splinter said, nimble fingers tracing the pattern of his son's shell.

"No." One word, whispered with no inflection as Donnie turned his attention to the cloth under his hands.

With a last sigh, Splinter stood up, placing Donnie on his hip before making his way out of the dojo.

~_The boys are getting heavy, soon I won't be able to carry them anymore._~ Splinter thought with a pang of sadness.

-TMNT-

Splinter looked up from the newspaper he had been slowly reading from at the sound of a pained cry coming from the other side of the room, always hyperaware of what the boys were up to.

He quickly set aside his paper and nimbly stood up to rush towards the loud crying.

As he neared he saw Leonardo crouching next to a sobbing Michelangelo, an angry red bump on his forehead. His eyes went to Raphael, getting ready to scold him for hitting his brother again, only to find him glaring down at Donatello. He hid his surprise and knelt next to Michelangelo, taking the sobbing boy into his arms where he curled up.

"What happened here." Splinter asked, making sure his voice was stern.

"Donnie hit Mikey with tha' thing." Raphael said, small finger pointing to what appeared to be part of the outer shell of the radio Splinter had brought home a few days ago.

"Is that right, Donatello?" Splinter asked. He watched the small olive colored turtle ignore him, small deft fingers twisting wires, radio open before him, parts spilling out like so many multi-colored entrails.

"Donatello!" Splinter raised his voice, watching as his small son stopped his fiddling and calmly raised his head to fix him with that empty stare.

"Yes. I threw that," he pointed at the plastic part without breaking eye contact, "at Mikey cause he wouldn' shuddup and go 'way when I told him to." A small chin was raised defiantly.

Splinter took a few moments to stare at his son. He had just admitted to hurting his younger brother and he seemed to feel no remorse or guilt about it.

"You know that throwing things or hitting your brothers is wrong, Donatello. You need to apologize to Michelangelo then you will follow me to the dojo and I will assign you your punishment." Splinter said, fighting back the sigh that threatened to fall from his lips.

"...No." Donatello's grey eyes fell to the radio before him once again, small fingers taking up their earlier task.

"...No?" Splinter asked, failing to hide the shock in his voice. Donatello had never given him trouble before, he was usually the easiest of the boys to care for.

"No. I don' wanna 'pologize or punishment." Donatello said, turning his back on Splinter and his brothers, seemingly dismissing their presence.

"Donatello! Turn around and apologize. Now!" Splinter said, feeling his tail whip behind him at his raising temper. He watched small green shoulders stiffen before Donatello turned and faced him, pout and small glare on his round face. He watched wide, grey eyes look down and into bright, teary blue.

"I'm sorry, Mikey." Donatello said, head tilting to the side as he looked into his still gently crying brothers face.

"'S 'kay." Mikey sniffled.

Splinter couldn't hold back the sigh this time. With a last squeeze to Mikey's small shoulders he sat him next to Leonardo, who had watched the whole thing with wide hazel eyes.

"Come, Donatello." Splinter stood and waited as Donatello stood and followed after him after placing the radio and all it's parts into a shoebox.

In the dojo, Splinter watched as Donatello half heartedly went through the tumbling exercises he had assigned as punishment. He had seen the tantrum lurking in Donatello's eyes when he told him he wouldn't be allowed to play with the radio or any other appliances for the next three days, but luckily Donatello had just huffed and puffed before starting his exercises.

He hoped this was just an isolated incident, he didn't need Donatello acting out for whatever reason.

A/N: Well, it was still shorter than i'd like but hopefully the chapters will get longer as the turtles get older.  
Next chapter should be up by next week at the latest!  
Please drop a comment with your thoughts or whatever (even what you guys might like to see), hearing from readers makes writing so much easier...plus it's motivating. :)


	3. You Could Never Be Bad

Disclaimer:...still not mine...biiiiig surprise...

Little Soldier Mine-Howdy strangers who have decided to grace my little corner of the internet with their presence! I see that people have started noticing that this story will lean a bit more towards, shall we say, a more disturbing nature. For what my sick, twisted little mind palace has planned the rating will most definately be going up, i'm actually quite excited for what i have planned...the gore and disturbance shall be mind scarring!

I also wanted to say thank you to all the wonderful people who left reviews! Those are basically the thing that make me want to write more...or else the story kind of just ferments in my brain and on my computer...

Oh yes! I'm far from perfect so there are errors galore, i apologize, i edit this myself.

Keep calm and read on!

-You Could Never Be Bad-

Donnie sat hunched over the open carcass of the small radio, tiny fingers inspecting the thin wires leaking out.

~_Maybe if I twis' this wire with this one an' connect 'em to this little metal-_~ Donnie's train of thought was shattered by the feeling of a warm hand heavily landing on his shoulder. He ripped his hands away from the multi-colored wires of the radio and turned to fix the unwanted person with the fiercest glare he could, his narrowed grey eyes meeting with a pair of wide hazel.

"Don' touch me." Donnie hissed as he shrugged his brothers hand off.

"Donnie, Master Splinter wan's to talk to you." Leo said as he warily watched his younger brother, rocking on the balls of his feet.

"I'm busy." Donnie said, turning away from his brother, annoyed with the disturbance and loss of concentration.

"He said so." Leo tried to make his brother listen. He didn't understand how he would want to make Splinter wait. If Splinter wanted to talk to him when he looked that frowny, Leo would make sure to hurry his tail over!

Leo stood, bouncing on the balls of his feet and watched his brother for a few more moments before turning and making his way back to the dojo and Splinter.

Splinter looked up expecting to see two of his sons at the door but he only saw Leo.

"My son, where is your brother?" Splinter asked, a small frown already pulling his brows together.

"He said he wass busy." Leo shrugged. Splinter sighed and nimbly stood up.

"Go on, play with your other brothers." Splinter watched Leo throw him a bright smile before running out of the room, already calling out to his brothers at the top of his lungs.

He slowly made his way to the small area where his smallest son could often be found huddled over numerous seemingly useless electronics.

"Donatello." Splinter called as he knelt next to the quiet boy. He waited for the grey eyed boy to acknowledge his presence but the boy continued to act as if he wasn't there. Splinter was just about to reach over and gently place his hand on his sons knee to get his attention when the boy spoke up.

"Don'." Barely an exhale of breath.

Splinter pulled his hand back and placed it on his lap.

"Donatello, join me in the dojo, we need to talk about you hurting your brother." Splinter said, wise eyes following nimble green fingers as they effortlessly twisted wires and moved tiny circuitry around.

Donnie pulled his hands away, rubbing them against his legs before quickly assembling the radio again. Splinter patiently waited for his son to turn back to him, knowing that the boy hated being rushed.

"Okay." Donnie's small hand twisted a knob and the room was suddenly enveloped in the staticky sound of guitars, drums, and a deep crooning voice.

Donnie looked up from the radio and Splinter was surprised at the smile his son gave him. It was genuine and stretched his face, showing off dimples Splinter didn't even know his son had, a small spark of something glinting in his eyes.

"It works!" Donnie said, voice going higher pitched with excitement. Splinter couldn't help but return his sons infectious smile, his chest swelling with pride at the miracle that was Donnie being able to make an old, broken radio come to life again.

"Wha's that?!" Mikey yelled as he ran into the room, throwing himself into Splinters lap. Soon Raph and Leo joined them, both flittering around the radio.

Splinter turned towards Donnie, waiting for the small boys eager explanation, but the boy just silently watched his brothers, the small spark Splinter saw earlier gone once again.

"Donatello, why don't you tell your brothers and myself what this is?" Splinter gently encouraged.

"Iss a radio. I got it to work so nows we can have music." Donnie said, voice high with pride and barely restrained joy once again as he gently reached out and twisted the knob, the music immediately changing to some soft jazzy tune.

Splinter gave the boys a few more minutes to ask Donnie any questions they wanted before speaking up.

"Come, Donatello. We still need to talk." Splinter swiftly stood and motioned Donnie over. Donnie looked away from Mikey's smiling face and gave him a small nod before standing and following Splinter towards the small room that served as the dojo. The sound of the boys' bubbly laughter and changing music following them.

-TMNT-

"Sit." Splinter motioned to the small, worn cushion before him. He watched as Donnie gingerly sat down, back straight and small hands neatly clasped on his lap.

"Father." Donnie said as he focused those grey, empty eyes on Splinter.

"I want to talk to you about what happened a week ago with your brother." Splinter said, carefully watching his sons face, looking for a sign of remorse or shame, but Donnie's face remained impassive and blank.

"Why didn't you want to apologize to your brother?" Splinter asked. He watched as a confused expression clouded his smallest sons face.

"Donatello, do you understand what you did wrong?"

"...No." Donnie said, small head cocking to the side, eyes wide and bright.

~_He is being serious. He doesn't understand what he's done wrong._~ Splinter thought as a worried frown appeared on his face.

"My son, we have talked about how hurting your brothers is wrong. I've also told you and your brothers that throwing your toys or anything else is wrong; you could hit somebody or break something." Splinter gently lectured.

Donnie continued to stare back at Splinter, face free of the guilt and shame Splinter was expecting.

"Do you know what you did wrong now, Donatello?" Splinter asked.

"I hit Mikey on his head with the radio part?" Donnie said warily, looking to Splinter for acknowledgment that he's said the right thing.

"Yes, my son. And why did you do it?" Splinter asked, glad to be getting somewhere.

"Cause he wouldn' shuddup and go 'way when I told him to." Donnie said with a sharp nod of his head, small smile dancing on his lips at the thought of having given Splinter the answer he wanted. Splinter felt his ears flatten against his skull, that was the same answer Donnie had given him last week.

"No, my son. I want you to tell me what you felt, what caused you to hurt your younger brother." Splinter gently encouraged his son to answer.

"Angry. Mikey wouldn' shuddup and go 'way when I told him to and that made me angry. So I hit him on his head. And then he cried." Donnie answered, face blank and voice adopting that empty tone Splinter hated.

"Don't you feel bad for hurting your brother? For making him cry?" Splinter asked, making sure his voice came out calm and gentle but he was starting to feel dread in his chest.

"No." Donnie said, never breaking eye contact. Splinter let out a deep sigh, feeling his shoulders and ears droop.

"Oh, my son, you have much to learn." Splinter said, closing his eyes and bringing a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose.

Donnie sat still, small fingers twitching against his thighs as he watched his father sitting before him. Donnie watched his fathers face and felt a small frown dance across his own. He was starting to get tired and this endless talk about Mikey was getting boring and awfully repetitive to him.

"...Is that...bad?" Splinter looked up into Donnie's confused face, eyes wide and bright.

"My son, your brothers and I are your family. Family loves each other and cares for each other, we're all we have. You have to cherish them, keep them safe, not hurt them. If your brothers make you angry or upset, try to talk it out or come to me, don't hurt them." Splinter said, opening his arms and welcoming Donnie when the small boy slowly crawled onto his lap, hands finding their way to his robe and big eyes looking up at him. "Your brother, Michelangelo, loves you and he just wants to spend time with you."

"So...I was bad?" Donnie said, small face suddenly crumbling into a sad, shaky pout, big tears beginning to roll down his round cheeks. Splinter pulled the boy close to his chest, one hand going up to rub soothing circles on his sons head.

"No, my son, you could never be bad. You just made a mistake, that is all." Splinter said, relieved that Donnie had learned where he had gone wrong. "Now you know not to hurt your brother." Splinter placed a loving kiss to his sons forehead.

After a few more minutes of gently rocking the now sleeping boy, Splinter got to his feet, carrying the small boy to the room thats served as the boys bedroom, planning on laying him with his already sleeping brothers on the worn mattress that served as their bed.

As Splinter carried him, Donnie lay his head on Splinter's shoulder, wide empty eyes blankly staring at the far wall.

A/N:Next chapter, next week?  
It would delight me so if you would drop a comments, reviews, questions, thoughts in my little review box. I've found i quite enjoy hearing from you and it makes me want to write more! Any small thing boost author ego which is good for the word vomitage from my fingertips!


	4. With Gently Smiling Jaws

Disclaimer: Guess who still doesn't own TMNT? Yup. You got it! Not this Soldier, nope.

Litte Soldier Mine-Hello once more curious readers, i welcome you once more to my humble story. This chapter is just a teensy tiny bit on the fucking creepy side, so hold on to your teddies. Not sure if it warrants a raise in rating...

I wanted to thank all of you crazy readers for your reviews and comments, favorites and follows, they do my heart wonders and make my fingers itch to type!  
So thank you from the bottom of my little black heart (it's quite small, you see, two sizes too small and as dark as ink being sucked into a black hole); Ariddle-Ascare, Jaddis, toloush, Aster Sapphire, So how's life, JigsXInk, Loving Leo, I'm Nobody's Girlfriend, MistFlicker, I Love Kittens Too, and the guest readers; a random fangirl, Guest, Raph is mine, Duchess, YoYo, Guess, SoSo, asfo9iljeksdfuio (yeah...i got all them letters!), and Ambergirl!

Any errors are all part of my human frailty, i'm afraid.

That said, keep calm and read on!

-With Gently Smiling Jaws-

_Splash!_

"How doth the croc'dile improve his shining tail? And pour the water of the Nile on every golden scale? How cheerfully he seems to grin." Donnie sang softly as he jumped in a large puddle, murky water splashing loudly around his small green feet.

_Splash!_

Donnie skipped to another puddle, raising small hands and curving his fingers to look like claws, his mouth stretching into a wide grin, every small white tooth on display.

"How neatly spreads his claws and welcomes the little fishies in, with gently smiling jaws."

Donnie gave a few last stomps to the puddle he was in, enjoying the echoes he caused.

Splinter had brought back a torn and tattered book of stories and odd poems by Lewis Carroll which Donnie had quickly claimed as his own, not that his brothers put up much of a fight. Donnie had spent the last month immersing himself in the poems, memorizing them and reciting them to keep himself entertained as he and his brothers did their boring training or lessons.

He was glad to be away from his father and brothers, if even only for a few hours. He enjoyed the calm and quiet that came from solitude leaving his mind free to work in peace, thoughts going off on tangents and subtangents without the fear of disturbance.

Since the boys had all behaved and did well in their lessons, Splinter decided to give them two hours free playtime, they were allowed to play in the nearby connecting sewers as long as they made sure to stay within shouting distance. Every twenty minutes or so Splinter would call out to them and they had to make sure to call back or else Splinter get panicky and would call them in and make them play inside.

His brothers had invited him to play follow the leader but he had quickly and quietly rejected their offer, not in the mood to put up with their roughhousing. Besides, he had exploring to do.

Something caught his eye as he gave one last half-hearted kick, he left the small puddle and silently made his way to a small ladder that led up to another tunnel that was higher up. After a bit of climbing, Donnie found himself in a dark tunnel, much smaller in height and width than the main tunnels.

Perfect. A tunnel he had yet to explore.

He easily made his way around the debris that littered the ground, the lack of light not a problem for him.

_Squeak._

Donnie stopped. He held his breath and made sure to stand very, very still, opening his eyes wide as if to see more.

_Squeak!_

Donnie let out his breath and slowly, ever so quietly, made his way to a crack in the wall.

He knelt down when he saw what had made the noise.

A rat.

Donnie sat still, watching as the small rat stood up on its hind legs, small paws running over its ears then down its long face, seemingly combing small delicate whiskers.

Donnie tilted his head as he studied the rat. He had seen many rats in the sewers. _Splinter_ was a rat. But Splinter had always told them to never get too close to the sewer rats because they could bite and where very, very dirty.

Donnie watched the rat for a few more minutes before a small green hand darted out and slim fingers wrapped around the rat's neck.

_Squeak!_

Donnie quickly brought the rat up to his face and with his other hand he ran his fingers down the rat's bony back, trying to mimic the motions Splinter made on his and his brothers shells when they were upset.

"Shh, rat, shh. That's it. Quiet." Donnie murmured lowly as the rat slowly calmed down, soon hanging limply from his hand, looking up at him with beady black eyes, seemingly studying him back.

Donnie could feel his heart beating wildly like a small bird against his chest with the knowledge that he was doing something that he knew he wasn't supposed to.

He gently poked the rats belly, wondering if the rat would make the same breathy chuckle-y noises Splinter made when poked, but the rat just squealed and used its small paws to push his finger away.

Donnie watched as the rat kicked its back legs as if to run away and a thin, bony tail whipped back and forth reminding him of how Splinter's tail would move.

After a few more minutes of watching, Donnie decided to gently grab one small paw and move it, he wanted to see if the rat had the same range of motion that he and his brothers had. Encouraged by the fact that the rat seemed rather mellow and let him move it whatever way he wished, he became more bold with his explorations. He pulled the small tail and bent it, feeling the texture of the skin compared to the matted fur that covered the rest of the rat.

It was while he was gently moving the rats head from side to side that it happened.

The rat lashed out with a small paw, scratching Donnie across his wrist, Donnie jerked in shock and there was a muffled crack and the rat gave one last panicked squeal before it became silent and hung limp in Donnie's small green hand.

He had snapped it's neck.

Donnie looked down, his small face pale and his grey eyes impossibly wide as he stared at the dead rat now laying limply in his lap. He ignored the sharp sting from the scratch, small beads of blood running lazily down his forearm. Then his eyes blurred and tears started streaming down his round cheeks, lower lip wobbling. He quickly set the rat down in the small crevice where he first saw it, making sure to hide it deep where no one would find it before he put his head on his knees and cried, his tears silent but small shoulders shaking with every quiet sob.

Donnie didn't really understand where the urge to cry came from, it wasn't from the pain, he had pushed the sting to the back of his mind almost instantly, not letting it bother him. He just knew that when the small rat had stopped moving and became limp in his hand he had the overwhelming urge to cry, a heavy weight crushing his lungs and bringing tears to his eyes.

After a few more minutes of crying, Donnie slowly stood up, using the back of his hands to wipe the tears from his face before he made his way back towards the ladder so he could go back to the main tunnels. He looked down at his wrist, pulling a small wadded tissue from his belt and using it to wipe away the small amount of blood gathered there before tossing it into the lazy stream of sewer water running though the tunnel, bringing his wrist to his mouth hoping it would stop the bothersome bleeding.

He waited a few more minutes, taking deep breathes to make sure he had himself under control before following the sounds of his brothers loud laughter.

That was the first time he killed another living creature.

That was the last time it was ever an accident.

TMNT

Splinter watched his small sons work through the simple kata's he had assigned. His small five year old sons each working diligently.

He couldn't help the smile that danced on his lips as he watched Leonardo gracefully move through the steps, an almost comical look of deep concentration on his young face. Next to him Raphael made choppy movements, his kicks and punches aggressive and powerful as if aimed at an invisible foe.

Splinter moved his eyes towards his younger sons'. Michelangelo's moves were over-energetic, his kicks too high and his moves too quick making him lose his balance more often than not. Beside him stood Donatello, small face blank and bored, his kata's lacking energy and finesse but at least his balance was better than Michelangelo's or Raphael's, which was more than Splinter could ask of the small turtle.

"Alright, my sons, that is all for tonight." Splinter watched as the four small turtles quickly bowed and with excited chatter left the small room.

Splinter watched them leave, a soft smile on his face.

He was glad to see all four of them playing together and getting along, if only for one afternoon, he might be able to get one evening of peace and quiet.

With a small frown he remembered how hard it had been to get Donnie to learn that hitting Mikey had been wrong. The small boy just couldn't seem to grasp the concept of what he did wrong. It had taken Splinter many private talks with the small boy, but in the end Donnie had learned. After that he and Mikey seemed to become the best of friends, Donnie often eagerly accepting his brothers invitations to play.

Splinter still worried for his smallest son, he was still withdrawn, often ignoring them in favor of whatever had caught his attention.

His sons empty gaze still caused Splinter a bit of unease but Splinter had quickly decided to blame that on the odd silver-grey of his sons eyes, the way they seemed to catch any small ray of light and soak it in, always looking oddly flat except for in the dark where they reflected back the almost non-existent light.

With a soft shake of his head he nimbly stood up and followed his sons out to the 'living room', eager to get back to the small dog-eared book he had been reading.

TMNT

Donnie sat hunched over the spilled wires of the old television set Splinter had brought back for him from his last trip to the surface. It was an old, beat up thing with bent antennae at the top but Donnie was sure that with a bit of tweaking and a hard work he could have it working in no time.

"Oi, Donnie? D'ya wanna play coloring wif me?" Mikey's excited voice rang out, surprising Donnie into dropping his small screwdriver. He clenched his small hands, willing himself not to yell or throw anything at his younger brother, he didn't need another repeat of the radio incident from a year ago.

He turned towards his younger brother and looked into his bright, excited blue eyes.

"Mikey, you do know we can't _play_ at coloring? We just do it." Donnie said, his soft voice flat and emotionless. Mikey looked down at the worn coloring book and half empty box of crayons in his hands with a small frown on his face.

"Oh. Well, okay then. D'ya wanna color wif me?" Mikey said, his face quickly losing the small frown for a bright smile.

Donnie stared into his brothers eyes, trying to see why his brother wanted him to color with him. He didn't notice how Mikey started to look uncomfortable with his staring and was now blushing and gently rocking back and forth. With a slow blind Donnie looked back down at his hands.

"Sure, Mikey, let's color." Donnie said as he neatly and quickly put his few tools away, making sure to close up all of the wires in the television.

Mikey led Donnie closer to the center of the room where more candles would give them a better light to see. After the two had settled down Mikey turned to Donnie with a serious expression on his face.

"Okay, Donnie. I choosed las' time so that means that this time you can choose what pitchure we color." Mikey said, pushing the coloring book towards his brother.

Donnie took the book in his hands and idly flipped through the pages, not giving much attention to the already colored pages done by himself and his brothers and picking an empty page at random.

"Let's do this one." Donnie said stopping on a double page spread of several stegosaurus walking around an open field.

"Okay!" Mikey chirped as he quickly spilled the small crayon stubs in front of them. The two brothers quickly arranged themselves and got comfortable, Mikey on one side and Donnie on the opposite so that the two faced each other with the book spread out between them.

Donnie picked up a small paperless purple crayon and began filling in one stegosaurus's back plates making sure to keep one eye on his brother.

Ever since Splinter had made him apologize and had sat both Mikey and Donnie together to 'help them make up' Donnie found that Mikey was a very interesting person to watch.

He knew he acted different from his brothers and after having so many sit downs with his father he soon realized that maybe that wasn't a good thing. Splinter always went on and on about "feeling bad" about things and how some things were "wrong" but Donnie just didn't know how to know what things fell into what categories. What factors went into deciding how something was "bad" or "good." But after spending time with Mikey and actually paying attention to the younger boy, Donnie noticed that Mikey seemed to know what these things were.

Since then, Donnie had made an effort to not just simply ignore Mikey like he wanted to but to accept his offers to play. He wanted to study Mikey, to see if he could pick up on what was correct and what was wrong so that he could effectively mimic him and avoid anymore boring and useless talks with Splinter. He had caught onto the fact that if he just parroted back whatever it was Splinter wanted to hear and then cried he could end the talks but having a way to avoid them altogether seemed much more appealing.

"Hey, Mikey?" Donnie asked as he reached for a small yellow stub.

"Yeah?" Mikey said, small face furrowed in concentration as he colored in another stegosaurus.

"Why did father yell at Raphie yesterday?" Donnie asked, carelessly coloring in a tree, his attention on the boy opposite him.

"Hm? Oh. Tha's cause Raphie cheated when we were practicing sparring. He didn' wait for Leo to get ready." Mikey answered without looking away from the coloring book.

"But he would've won." Donnie said, small face pulling into a frown.

"Nooo, he cheated. Splinter says that it wasn' fair. You have to be fair. Raphie kicked Leo before Leo was ready to spar so he was at a disvantage." Mikey said, trading his red for a blue.

"Disadvantage." Donnie corrected as he moved his crayon onto a wayward cloud. "But why do we have to be fair?"

"Cause Splinter says so." Mikey said, looking up and giving Donnie a look that said, 'Duh.'

Donnie glared at his brother but his face soon smoothed out and he gave his brother a blank look causing the younger boy to huff and return to his coloring.

"You're weird, Donnie." Mikey grumbled.

Donnie stared at the top of his brothers bald head, grey eyes blank and wide.

The small crayon in his hand snapping as he clenched his fist.

"OI! You broked the brown!" Mikey yelped, pointing an accusing finger at Donnie.

"Shuddup." Donnie hissed. When Mikey fixed wide eyes on him he dropped half the broken crayon and started coloring in the dirt in the picture. Small green shoulders bounced in a clipped shrug as Donnie's cheeks pulled up into a small gentle smile though his eyes stayed wide and blank. "It was an accident. I'm sorry." Donnie's voice came out soft and quiet.

"That's okay, I guess now we have two browns." Mikey said with a smile, instantly forgiving him, as he looked down again, beginning to hum a tuneless song.

Donnie dropped the smile and continued coloring, vaguely amused at how two simple words seemed to make everything better again.

TMNT

Donnie stood next to Mikey waiting his turn at the messily drawn hopscotch game that Leo had made with the small stub of chalk Splinter had found topside.

"I betcha I can go farther than you!" Mikey said, reaching over to grasp Donnie's hand in his, leaning over until his face was next to his brothers,all wide smile and bright blue eyes.

Donnie just turned his face to stare into his brothers eyes, his hand itching to rip out of Mikey's sticky grasp.

"Oi, dummy, iss your turn!" Raph yelped as he gave Mikey a light push. Mikey just laughed and skipped towards the start.

A few more rounds of hopscotch later, Donnie became bored.

"I'm gunna go explore." Donnie said, already turning away from his brothers.

"But Donnie, Splinter said we should stay together." Leo said, a small frown crinkling his smooth brow.

Donnie ignored his older brother, his mind already far away.

TMNT

Donnie was lightly running his hand over some cracks in the wall as he walked along the dark tunnel when his hand made contact with metal. He looked up and found himself at the same ladder he had climbed a little less than a week ago. He was suddenly overcome with the urge to climb it and see if the small rat he's killed was still there.

He came to a stop in front of the small crack in the wall, his heart suddenly fluttering in his chest and his small hands clammy.

"Let's see..." Donnie murmured, nimbly dropping to his knees and reaching his small arm into the crevice. He wriggled his fingers around, ignoring the dust that clung to him and small bits of rock that dug into his skin until his fingertips brushed against matted fur.

"Aha." Donnie said as he wrapped his fingers around the small bundle of fur and pulled.

Donnie watched as more and more of his arm came free until he was looking down at the small mangled corpse of the rat. He placed it before him and looked down at it, as he watched he saw the rat's fur make little trembling motions and he cocked his head to the side.

He knew the rat was dead, it just had to be. Right?

He reached small fingers into the small pocket in his belt and pulled out a tiny pocket knife. He had taken it from Splinter's pocket once when the rat been giving him a hug. Splinter had refused to give it to him when he had asked for it, not even when he went as far as throwing a tantrum, so he took it, feeling he had every right to the knife.

With a small hand Donnie held down the rat's stiff little forepaws and with his other he placed the blade at the rat's throat. It didn't take more than a bit of pressure to break the rats skin, he pulled the blade down, making sure not to press down too much. When he was done he placed the blade down and waited, not sure for what. With a deep breath he reached over and pulled the skin open and a small gasp left his lips.

Maggots.

The rat had maggots; the small wormlike creatures wriggling in the wound, blindly eating the rotted flesh inside.

Donnie watched them, feeling a sudden sharp jolt of curiosity.

What did the maggots see inside the rat? It had to look different on the inside than the outside, didn't it?

Donnie watched the squirming animals for a bit longer before picking up his knife again and gently scooping the creatures out and placing them along the wall.

When he was done he made a few more sloppy cuts so that he could peel back the fur and skin revealing rotted flesh and organs to the air.

Donnie's small nose crinkled with the stench but he ignored it, curiosity making him eager to continue.

As Donnie continued, cutting out small organs and bits of flesh he started humming, scraping his small blade against the still impossibly white bones of the tiny skeleton.

"Three blind mice, three blind mice." Donnie sang as he worked the thin blade between the base of the rats skull and its small spine and with a bit of work, popped the head free of the small body. "See how they run, see how they run? They all ran after the farmers wife, who cut off their tails with a carving knife." Donnie started to use the small knife to separate the rotted flesh from the smooth bone of the skull. He then used a small bone to gently and carefully scoop the rest of the rat's eyes out of its tiny sockets.

"Did you ever see such a sight in your life, as three blind mice?" Donnie sang as he held the mostly cleaned skull in his palm, gently rolling it this way and that, running gentle fingers over the smooth bone.

"Three blind mice..." Donnie sang, smiling down at the small grinning skull.

A/N:...Its been a bit longer than a week...  
So, readers? Thank you for reading, drop a comment, review, question, thought, confession into my humble review box? It really does make me want to write more, promise, and itty bitty rat skulls for all who review! (Though i might be the only one who wants one of those...)

I was thinking about actually answering back any questions you people have to ask, maybe at the beginning of the next chapter? Like in the small part where i ramble? Or do you guys want private answers? What you want, i shall strive to give.

On that note, farewell!


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